Traditional Parenting doesn’t work. But what does?
Most advice for parents begins with the question "How can we get kids to do what they're told?" - and then proceeds to offer various techniques for controlling them. In his landmark book Unconditional Parenting - and in this talk based on that book - Alfie Kohn begins instead by asking "What are our long-term goals for our children?" It follows that we need to work with them rather than doing things to them, in order to reach those goals.
One basic need all children have, Kohn argues, is to be loved unconditionally, to know that they will be accepted even if they “screw up” or fall short. Yet conventional approaches to parenting such as punishments (including "time-outs"), rewards (including positive reinforcement), and other forms of control teach children that they are loved only when they please us or impress us. Kohn cites a body of powerful, and largely unknown, research detailing the damage caused by leading children to believe they must earn our approval. That's precisely the message children derive from common discipline techniques, even though it's not the message most parents intend to send.
Kohn argues that punishments (including time-outs) and rewards (including positive reinforcement) may sometimes produce temporary compliance, but they do nothing to help kids grow into responsible, caring, ethical, happy people. Moreover, he suggests that permissiveness is less worrisome than a fear of permissiveness that leads us to over-control our children. Kohn concludes with ten important guidelines to help viewers reconnect to their own best instincts as parents.
Kohn was described in Time magazine as "perhaps the country's most outspoken critic of education's fixation on grades [and] test scores." He writes and speaks widely on education, parenting, and human behavior. UNCONDITIONAL PARENTING is his tenth book. Among his others: PUNISHED BY REWARDS (1993), NO CONTEST: The Case Against Competition (1986), THE SCHOOLS OUR CHILDREN DESERVE (1999), and THE CASE AGAINST STANDARDIZED TESTING (2000).
The heart of Family Love Village is based upon educating ourselves on conscious parenting. Join us for our 1st Documentary and Dinner night of 2012! Alfie Kohn has helped transform several of the FLVillagers’ concepts of rewards and punishments. This dvd will give us insight and tools that can guide us towards partnering with our children. We will have a thought-provoking discussion (in a safe and loving environment) to follow the viewing during our potluck.
WHEN: Saturday 3/17/2012 @ 5-7pm with Potluck to follow
WHERE: The Yogi Tree ~ 4475 Vineland Avenue ~ Toluca Lake, CA 91602
WHAT TO BRING:
- $15 per family for the presentation
- $8 per family if you plan to use the conscious childcare in the Sprout Lounge. For each additional child, it is 50% off the original price.
Please RSVP at email@example.com 2 days BEFORE the workshop
For Dinner, please bring: Your own dishware to stay green and a healthy main or side dish for the potluck